Merry Christmas. Here's one of the weirdest things that ever happened to me.
My Family and I went to go get pictures with Santa a few years ago. After the pictures were taken and the hollies and jollies exchanged, the bearded northerner gave me perhaps the best compliment I've ever been given; Santa told me that I had a nice beard. I'm now riding higher than I've perhaps ever been, when he follows up with "You should consider becoming a Santa." Was I being recruited into some type of Santa Multi Level Marketing scheme? Does Santa have ulterior and ultimately capitalist motives? Then he hit me with one of the darkest things I've heard in a long time.
"We need younger Santas. We lost so many this past year."
Never would I have guessed that I would have heard "we lost many good men out there" coming from Santa Claus right after taking family pictures but here I was. I honestly don't remember what I said, but the year was 2021 and he was talking about how many Santas died during the pandemic.
I had already known about Santa associations from some previous work where I learned that Santa's were attempting to be classified as childcare workers, which would make them mandatory reporters and require background checks, so I immediately knew I was going to research this.
I began looking to see if there was any data on Santa Claus and covid-19, and while there isn't anything specifically measuring the impact of covid-19 on the Santa industry, there were a few articles out there claiming a Santa shortage. It makes sense considering the typical age of the jolly man in a suit. But I couldn’t find a lot of hard data about this, which is a bit disappointing.
There are whole website pages giving tribute to Santas called "Santa's Last Sleigh Ride" which is simultaneously the most bleak and most heartwarming thing I've ever seen.
As an aside, during my research I found that there is considerable drama among the Larger Santa community. There is a Hollywood movie script in here detailing a split between Santa organizations, someone stealing money from one of said organizations, and potentially the first Santa fistfight since Nicaea. Someone give me a literary advance to write the mostly fiction version of this.
Eventually I found one of my favorite surveys that I've ever found, the Red Suit Survey. This is put out periodically by Santa Tim Connaghan, aka National Santa, who was kind enough to send my survey data going back to 2008. Santa Tim also runs a variety of businesses related to Santa Claus, including a Santa School which is boasting 3 Santa School Cruises this year. When I say that learning that there is a veritable Santa industry out there has been fascinating, I may be underselling it.
As this is not a true scientific study or strongly representative professional poll I have a lower standard for judging this negatively, but also somewhat a lower level of confidence in the results. That being said, there is no more definitive information into the mind of Santa so I want to share some highlights, mostly from 2023, which Santa Tim described as a compilation of previous surveys.
A vast majority of Santas have real beards. However this is likely a selection effect.
So stop pulling on them, ADULTS.
SERIOUSLY it's wild that a quarter of Santas have had adults pull on their beards. Please stop assaulting Santa Claus
If you are looking for Santa’s favorite cookie, it’s Chocolate Chip
And you will need a way to keep it warm overnight, but Santa’s favorite beverage is hot cocoa. Milk comes in 3rd just behind Egg Nog.
So Chocolate Chip and Hot Cocoa is the way to go. Forget these sugar cookies and milk. Impress Santa and maybe you will get more gifts.
It makes sense that Santa’s favorite greeting would be Merry Christmas, but it’s good to have the confirmation as to what side Santa is on in the War on Christmas
Hard shout out to the 3 Santas who compete in Earnest Hemingway Look-a-Like competitions1
To many children dealing with stress or poverty or abuse, Santa Claus is a safe space to ask for relief. Santa is a magical creature that brings them gifts and has the power to grant your wishes, maybe he can help alleviate the things I'm going through.
15.3% of Santas have had a child tell them that someone is hurting them.
Children often ask Santa to help them while they are going through divorces, hoping Santa can help their parents find work, or even asking Santa for a home. It’s hard to tell the actual levels here, but it’s interesting that in each survey the responses were more heavily weighted towards “less” than “more”. Probably an artifact of remembering the heavy visits more than the standard ones.
However 2023 saw Santa reporting more instances of children worried about sickness than previous surveys. 2013 below
Interestingly, Santa was more likely than the general population to be a veteran. 37.8% of Santas surveyed served in the military, compared to 6% of the general populace according to pew2.
This is probably why so many Santas volunteer with military oriented causes like Toys for Tots
There is a Santa Claus Oath and it is quite popular.
Something very interesting is the amount of hours Santa works and how much money Santa makes. A plurality of mall Santas are charging over $51 an hour, with many Santas putting in full days work.
Working outside malls as an independent Santa sees higher rates. A Santa Charging $150 an hour working 100 hours can expect to be paid $15,000 dollars in the holiday season, with many starting after Thanksgiving.
Here is to hoping Santa takes the covid/flu/TB and other vaccinations
There is so much more in these surveys that make them a jolly good time. Read more at the Red Suit Survey here. Send me a message if you want previous years data.
I have to admit that I was not prepared to go to papa look a likes dot com and to see that there is an annual earnest hemingway look-a-like competition held every year in Key-West at a place named Sloppy Joes. Nor was I prepared for some of the photos on this website.
Age may be a factor here as well as the Santa population is obviously considerable older than the population as a whole.